It’s getting harder to think what I’d like to eat. That doesn’t mean I don’t eat. Of of course I do, but what ir does mean is there’s a difference between eating because you know you should and eating because the preparation, the smell, that anticipatory impatience as you look at the food, makes eating a pleasure.
Trying to think what to cook or eat is not confined to people who live on their own of course but in my case, I’m catering for someone who’s got quite picky. as she’s got older. I’ve got three gorgeous new cookbooks I’m slowly cooking my way through and most days its fine but every so often I ask myself what I’d like for lunch or dinner and all I get back is I don’t know.
Prior experience tells me that on these kind of days even if I cook something I usually like I will feel like pushing the plate away. Of course I don’t. Don’t waste food is ingrained on my heart. Its just that eating at these times is not so enjoyable.
So I’m in the position of trying to tempt myself by putting up food ideas and myself saying ‘Nah’ to everything I suggest. Eggs? Nah. A pie? I could make puff pastry? You like puff pastry? Nah. Some fish? Nah. I feel like saying, ‘Well fuck you then. Starve and see if I care.’
Today however is the first cold day of Autumn. So there’s no problem. This is an old habit. A once a year habit. When I think of it I run through all the things wrong with a meal like this. Fried (oil and butter) bread, two fried eggs,fried pre-cooked potatoes, and tomato sauce over the lot. It’s wrong on every level. Loaded with fat and the tomato sauce is probably half sugar. Probably the bread has too much sugar in it too. I think of all these things and cook it anyway. Once a year, I tell myself, once a year is not going to hurt. Other people have anniversaries of all sorts of things. What’s wrong with a fry–up anniversary? And the bought tomato sauce all over it is part of the deal.
The only thing I don’t do is pour cream over the lot. A friend of mine says cream improves everything and I have no doubt it would provide a yummy slow zip to this meal but one has to stop somewhere.
