I will stop swaering or at least learn to spell it correctly.
I will stop changing the names of my characters or just give them numbers until the last draft.
I will, from February, write a poem a week – they won’t be any good but that’s not the point.
I will finish this f*&#%ing novel which has now become an albatross etc etc (but I love albatrosses so that’s all right).
I will not buy any more roses – except of course if they’re on special for practically nothing and it would be a sin not to etc etc…
I will be polite to people who knock on the door when I’m working – but you’re not getting a cup of tea you s*&$%ing wanker – can’t you see I’m working?
I will clean my little yellow car but it in an environmentally friendly way (bucket and cloth) in case any of my environmentally conscious friends goes past and sees me using the hose in such a frivolous and resource-wasting way – or I’ll just say f*&%# it and get out the hose…
I will stop calling what TV offers unadulterated knobbly pigshit with ads and admit that I don’t watch TV because I like reading better.
I will not swaer at people who ring up for a donation and call me Sir and I will not slam the phone down and tell them I would rather donate to the Japanese whaling workers retirement fund than their charity.
I will clean the oven before next christmas then my son won’t say, as stinky (think the word is acrid) smoke pours out of the oven, ‘Hell – Mum, haven’t you cleaned the oven yet?’ And I won’t say ‘If you want the b*$#@ing oven cleaned, do it yourself, then we open a bottle and toast everyone who doesn’t clean their ovens and and in a little while who cares?
Have a GREAT 2015,
