Kia ora koutou, I wonder sometimes, I really do. Is it ingrained in us to be unkind to anyone who looks or sounds different? Things have change for the better, I know, but careless comments or descriptions still go on.
Calling an old woman ‘the old duck’ is derogatory and hurtful to all old women. I don’t know which word is the more scathingly meant, ‘old’ or ‘duck’. Probably both.
‘Stupid old fool’, dopey old bugger’, silly ‘old’ fart’. The word old is used all the time as a derogatory term.
Don’t misunderstand me. I prefer to call myself old instead of elderly. It just seems more grown up.
And I freely admit we old people are sometimes annoying, forgetful, we are irritating. We can’t see properly, we can’t always hear well, we lose mobility, we’re slower than we were but is it so hard just to say ‘annoying’ instead of ‘old’ or ‘duck’? Just simply ‘annoying woman?
The funny thing is that we’re all going to get old. It might not seem like it to you right at this moment but its a fact. It will happen. No-one knows what the future will hold when that happens. We could become annoying, deaf, nearly blind, agitated about small things. We could lose keys, lose our wallets, sometimes even lose our minds.
These are things that can/will happen to all of us. Only those who die young escape. And when that happens we are all saddened and terribly upset. It seems so horrible that they’ve lost the chance to have a long, useful and hopefully happy old age. In that situation, a long life seems a great thing to have and a horrible thing to miss.
So why, when we are lucky enough to live till we’re old, why is it used as a weapon to hurt or demean us?
You can go on walks, you can use the gym regularlay, you can cycle, eat only organic, go vegan, drink like a fish and eat only sugary things, you can challenge your brain to learn new things, but at some stage along the way old age happens.
Lines appear, muscles lose some of their steam, you can’t dig a garden like you used to, you are physically slower, you can’t hear as well, you can’t see clearly.
But – one thing we don’t lose is the ability to be hurt by careless comments and we don’t lose the irritation that comes when we are called ‘love’ and ‘dear’ by complete strangers.
I’m not pointing out these things because someone called me ‘an old duck’ but because someone used that expression about another woman. Another woman who, make no mistake, had been really really annoying.
In spite of all the nice talk about respecting elders, or even being kind enough to see them as people who are simply a little bit further on the way that we are, this kindness is not a general attitude.The moment an older person does something irritating, the word ‘old’ is used as a derogatory label. Its like no-one young ever does anything silly or forgetful or annoying, that it only happens because you’re ‘old’.
So why can’t we say ‘annoying’ with out adding the ‘old’?
And why can’t we accept that this is going to be us one day? And that’s if we’re lucky.
There’s only one alternative to getting old, darlings, so why not treat the old just like you want to be treated when you get there.
Go on. I dare you.
Renée
