Drug-testing is a good thing and its such a good thing I think the scope should be widened. For example it should include Doctors, Lawyers, Police Commissioners, Mayors, Members of Parliament, Priests, Parsons, Councillors, Judges, Teachers, Tele-marketers and Trades Council Members. To name a few.

All these have important jobs, they need to be bright and alert and focused. They are making decisions to do with the lives of human beings eg you and me. Now I don’t know about you but sometimes when I see an MP talking about climate change and water quality without looking worried, I start to wonder what the hell they’re on. Or the teacher who tells me their students love their classes? Go to the drug counsellor immediately.

A doctor who says to his patients no you can’t have an Xray but you can have a shovelful of hard drugs so when the pain gets worse you can swallow a fistful. You’ll be a little foggy? Well, yes, unfortunately that does mean you won’t be allowed to work because the drugs will show up on the drug tests and you’ll lose your job. So you’ll have to go to WINZ and they’ll do a drug test and refuse you a benefit because you’ve failed their drug tests. Yes I understand you won’t be able to pay the rent and you’ll have to sleep in your car and I’m very sorry. but those are the rules.

And don’t get me started on working in orchards or wineries. Who tests the bosses? Oh? They don’t climb trees? Yes I see, and paying the miserable hourly rate is no hassle? You can be drugged to the eyeballs but you still know the difference between a living wage and a barely able to exist one? And then there’s the living conditions – crammed into bunkhouses, one shower between too many people – these are anecdotal stories but if the PM can do it…

I wonder about MPs who stay on…and on, grimly clinging to power (and the money and perks) when its clear they need to give up space to someone younger. But the younger one might make mistakes? Yes? Your point is?

And now the PM says that the reason orchardists and farmers can’t employ young New Zealanders is because they fail drug tests and then it turns out that the numbers show only a small percentage fail drug tests so I can’t help wondering what the PM’s on?

And there’s adult cyclists who ride on footpaths, truck drivers who pass little old ladies in yellow cars doing 80K in an 80K area? Huh? Yes, it was me who gave you the fingers, ok mate? And it was me who yelled, ‘Go and have a lovely drug test.’ I might not have put it quite like that but the meaning was very clear.