Old people are…

Posted on May 24, 2017 | 2 comments


Boozers, losers, out of jail bruisers. Jockeys, cockies, once were great soccies. Litterers, knitters, reliable house sitters. Miners, diners, intelligent signers. Gardeners, cooks, some who write books. Piano and guitar players, definitely some Gays.  Singers, clingers, ringers and wingers. Wealthy, stealthy, against all odds healthy. Runners, gunners, dedicated punners. Winners and players, sinners and swayers. Rich, poor, curious, bored. Patient, walker, creepy grey stalker. Painters, fainters, always some ranters. Fat, skinny, tall, short. New, old, borrowed, bought. Fraught, taught, occasionally sought. Preachers, teachers, some who make Features. Bad-tempered, kind, clear-sighted, blind. Some bold, some rolled, some polled, some sold. Doctors, nurses, lecturers, bursars.  Bouncers, prancers, dedicated dancers.  Happy, sad, conniving, bad.  Lout, devout, chock full of doubt. Whingers, Ginjas, society’s fringes.   Packers, actors, determined hackers.  Loving, hating, dating, waiting…


Old people are selfish, loaded with money and investments, deliberately hanging on in their five-bedroom house in Remuera or Parnell, grabbing the government superannuation when they could well afford to live without it.

They stuff up the health system, clog the footpaths, get in the way of cyclists by walking across pedestrian crossings. They dodder, they’re slow, they peer at things and they can’t hear properly and when you shout at them they prod you with their umbrella. When you suggest they get a hearing aid they say they can’t afford them.  I mean what do they do with the government super?

They don’t need a lot to eat.  So why do they take so long in the supermarket?  They dawdle, pick up things, put them down, complain they can’t reach the top shelf.  They tut-tut at the price of things and ask the man at the meat freezer if they can have two soup bones instead of six or a smaller slice of lamb’s fry.  Ugh.  Lamb’s fry?  Only old people would even dream of eating that wet slimy dark stuff that’s got a horrible little skin all over it that you have to peel off before you cook it.  I suggested to one old woman that she use Quinoa instead of meat and you’d think I’d told her to drink disinfectant.  Actually I’ve only used it once myself but I’ll use it again at some stage.  Got lots of vitamins in it apparently.

Old people don’t mind waiting, why should they?  They’ve got nothing to do.  They can wait while you serve someone younger.  They adore being called ‘Love,’ and why the hell should they mind when you call them Mrs?  They’re all married aren’t they?  And what does it matter anyway?

They limp and whine about ramps and put on a drama when they have to walk up stairs. I mean if they can’t climb up a few stairs then they should stay home.  They should walk quicker, get their heart rate up, hold their shoulders back and stop complaining about uneven footpaths.  They’re the same footpaths that were there when they were young, they were okay then weren’t they?  So they’re okay now.

It’s all in the mind.  I just don’t think they’ve got enough to do.  All this hooha  about home help and then they complain that these hardworking cleaners only do the middle of the room.  Not because they’re no good at housework but because they have too many old women who want their housework done.  As for saying that the government should increase the hourly rate I mean housework is not rocket science is it?  I can understand some people need help but really, dusting a room’s not going to kill them is it?  If they can’t see properly then they just need to take it slower.  Take all day if they want.  What else have they got to do?

Its as clear as my just-cleaned pane of glass.  Simply a matter of using your brains.   All this bitching and carping, fussing and fretting about being old is simply a waste of time.  It’s all in the mind.  If you don’t think you’re old then you won’t be.  I have made up my mind.   I am never going to be old.


Not all like me…







  1. 5-24-2017

    Hahahaha Just spent my retirement savings on the Days Bay Deli/cafe, no inyention of stopping or slowing as I have a great example in you Dear Renee….its all your fault babe

    • 5-24-2017

      too excited to proofread

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